Some Thoughts on Survival
By Judge John L. Kane, breast cancer survivor
Most people think of breast cancer as a woman's disease, and in terms of numbers of those diagnosed, it clearly is. But men get breast cancer, too. About 1,200 new cases of male breast cancer are diagnosed each year-and the numbers are increasing.
There haven't been enough male breast cancer cases to establish a separate treatment protocol and much more needs to be learned about how to improve the diagnosis and therapy for men who have the disease.
We do know a few things, however, and much of it confirms what all of us already know-that when it comes to health, men are basically "buttheads." For example, the average time between first symptom and diagnosis is about 19 months-over a year and a half. That's a very long time. Some of this delay is because people don't expect breast cancer to happen to men, but I suspect an even greater reason is that men will do anything to avoid being poked, probed or tested. If a health problem doesn't interfere with physical functioning, we ignore it.
Men don't perform self-examinations. It's nearly impossible to get us to reflect on our own behavior, much less talk about our bodies. It is also unusual for doctors to perform routine breast examinations on male patients and there is no such thing as screening mammography for men.
The net result is that men usually come to diagnosis and treatment with a more advanced stage of cancer requiring more aggressive treatment than would be necessary with earlier detection. Men's breast cancer is similar to women's: cancer of the milk ducts is the most common type for both, and most men respond well to aggressive treatment.
Men need the same information and the same levels of support as women who have this disease. In my opinion, the feelings men have about having a breast removed are not as deep or as devastating as those experienced by women, but the loss of strength and mobility are very hard felt.
In preparing to speak today I looked at the medical text that had this to say: "When a patient is diagnosed with cancer, the clinician can expect that the patient is undergoing a particularly profound personal sense of crisis."
Whatever else can be said of breast cancer, it is a life-changing as well as life-threatening experience. None of us will ever be the same and what we will be is entirely up to each of us. We have survived aggressive treatment for cancer. It's almost trite to say it, but the treatment hurts more than the disease.
So, we have survived the treatment, but the disease and the possibility of recurrence remains with us and we must live with the certainty that we are forever changed. I don't think this awareness is at all defeating; it is instead an opportunity and we should never deny the change that has occurred or the trauma that has been endured. Face it, that "profound sense of crisis" the textbook talks about is one of the most fear-engendering events that can happen to anyone. And we will live with that fear as our master or deal with it, get over it and get on with a life that is even more precious than before the catastrophe.
If considered in that way, we are not survivors at all; we are adventurers, we are voyagers, voyagers with passports to life, not death.
We must chew up every morsel of denial, spit it out and deal with our fears both physically and psychologically. We must get off the couch, out of the house and march for strength, walk tall and grab every bit of life we encounter. Retreat? No! We must advance in every direction. When anxiety comes, and surely it will, we must take three deep breaths to restore our calmness and allow our sense of balance to rejoin us.
In psychological terms, if the cancer doesn't kill you, the denial will. Admit who you are and what you have been through. Seek out-and more to the point-accept the support of friends. Remember that joy shared is twice the joy and pain shared is half the pain. Not to do this, but rather to deny the unwanted presence of this disease, to withdraw from the community of living and to wallow in remorse and pain will create such a massive, sucking wound that even the best of us would be pulled under.
We will fight this unwanted presence with gusto and we will support one another in this enduring war and by doing so, we will win.
This article was excerpted from the speech given by Judge John L. Kane, District of Colorado United States District Court, at the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in October 2004.
Are you a man who has been touched by breast cancer? Network of Strength has the perfect opportunity for you to help out others who are experiencing a diagnosis. Become a YourShoes match peer counselor and share your knowledge with others. Call 1-800-221-2141 or e-mail kbonen@networkofstrength.org today for more information.