Through the Lens of Breast Cancer: Taking Pleasure in the Holidays

Thanksgiving has passed and suddenly it is mid-December. Houses are adorned with twinkling lights, the streets are festive with activity, and storefront windows showcase colorful tableaus of the holidays. Your "to-do" list seems never ending; even more so because you are feeling fatigued from your last chemo or radiation treatment. And the last thing you feel like doing is celebrating.

During the best of times, the holiday season may feel like a mixed blessing. Traditionally the holidays foster a time of togetherness with loved ones, in addition to gift giving, community spirit, and perhaps a renewed devotion to faith. The holidays may also cause stress, bring too many commitments and cultivate feelings of isolation and depression. In the midst of breast cancer, however, the holiday season may present unique opportunities to cast aside the minutiae of life, to focus on what is really important and to establish meaningful traditions that will have a lasting impact on you and those you cherish.

Whatever your religious or secular beliefs, background or experience with breast cancer, the holidays can be a time of hope, healing and comfort, a time to develop new and perhaps more meaningful traditions, and a time to nurture yourself and your loved ones.

Cynthia Fleming, 30, a divorced mother with two children aged four and five, was diagnosed with breast cancer in April of 2004. She underwent treatment that was completed by Thanksgiving. "I was very relieved that everything had turned out so well," Cynthia recalls. "We didn't want to stop our celebration for the kids, even if I wasn't feeling well. We still did all the shopping, putting up the Christmas tree, having Christmas dinner with my parents and exchanging presents."

In August 2005, Cynthia was rediagnosed with breast cancer, and immediately began a course of radiation and hormonal therapy and is now waiting to have surgery. "I think this time around it hit me a little more," she says. "I'm trying to stay positive because that's what helped me last time." With this second diagnosis, Cynthia has renewed thoughts on how best to celebrate the holidays with her family. "I would like to spend a little more time with the kids to start a tradition.some kind of community service work," she says. "I think they would enjoy that." She also plans to start a memory box for them to capture special and comical moments. Cynthia, who performs as a clown at children's parties, also wants to enhance their sense of joy, adventure and family by playing more games and going to museums, and having a holiday get-together with their father. She notes that not only will these activities enrich her children's lives, they will boost her sense of well-being.

Sonia Little of Stratford, Conn., was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 1993. She was diagnosed with lung polyps five years later, and has been having chemotherapy regimens ever since. Last spring, Sonia began treatment for brain metastasis. Born in Jamaica, Sonia lived in England and immigrated to the United States with her family in 1983. "When I moved to the U.S, there were certain things I didn't embrace because of my British [background]," says Sonia. "I didn't celebrate some of the holidays like Halloween. After breast cancer, I realized that I was not allowing my children to participate in holidays to the fullest and that they would miss out." In order to give her children the "tools they would need to carry on life in the U.S. ," she decided to make some changes, which included celebrating more American holiday traditions. "Holidays together with my family are very important to me," she says. Sonia and her husband sing in the church choir and enjoy going to midnight mass at Christmas. "All the Christmas celebrations bring us closer to knowing who we are and where we came from."

Last Christmas was particularly joyous and poignant. Sonia had received good results from a recent CAT scan and her daughter presented her with a journal on Christmas Day. In it, her family had written personal messages about what they thought of Sonia and what she has taught them.

Tips for Enjoying the Holiday Season

"The holidays can be gratifying and emotionally charged at the same time," notes Linda Englander, Network of Strength's director of programs. "Plans should be a meaningful expression of what the holiday means to you and your loved ones, while making necessary changes. You may even develop new traditions." Linda offers breast cancer survivors and their loved ones guidance for coping with the holidays:

• Reevaluate priorities: Sort out what is important to you and your family.
• Communicate: Share your needs with loved ones, discuss how you are feeling and what the holidays mean to you, and make specific plans to spend time with those you love and with whom you can share humor and laughter.
• Don't take on more than you can handle: To reduce stress, ask others to take over specific tasks. For example, you can shop via catalogs or the Internet, ask others to shop for gifts, or call or send a brief note to people telling them that gifts will come later, or not at all. If you normally host a holiday meal, suggest that others bring a dish to share, ask someone else to host dinner this year or suggest going to a restaurant.
• Focus on the meaning of the holidays: If you are finished with treatment, helping others or volunteering in the community may enhance the significance of the holiday.
• Give yourself permission to bow out: If you feel low, physically or emotionally, it is perfectly okay not to join in certain activities.
• Seek physical and emotional comfort: Touching and hugging are particularly important during the holidays and are a tremendous source of nurturing and support. If you are feeling sad, it is fine to express those feelings. Tears can bring a sense of relief. If sadness is overwhelming, seek additional help from a support group, religious clergy or private counselor or therapist.
• Call the YourShoes Support Center : If you need to talk to somebody during the holiday season (or any time) call the YourShoes 24/7 Breast Cancer Support Center at 1-800-221-2141 (English, with interpretation in more than 150 languages). We are all breast cancer survivors and have ourselves faced the ups and downs of the holiday season.

 Are you a loved one supporting someone with breast cancer during the holidays? Do you feel like you never have the right thing to say? Are you sad that this holiday is "different" and you want to stay positive? Call the YourShoes support center at 1-800-221-2141 and speak to someone who has been there.

This article was first printed in the winter 2006 issue of Lifeline.

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